I'll Clean My Room When My Diabetes Is Gone.

  I took Ryan back to school today.

  It was really hard to drive out of that parking lot...much harder than it was the first day but I didn't cry...as much.

  We are very lucky to have so many kind, helpful, and knowledgable people at Ryan's school to help us through this nerve wrecking time. I felt as comfortable as I could possibly feel leaving him there in their capable and understanding hands.

That doesn't mean that I'm not scared because I am...I think I always will be when he isn't right by my side where I can watch over him myself.
 
  I packed him his own snack today. Usually, every kid gets a snack day and their parents buy for the whole class. Since there is no way to know what food will be brought into the classroom I will have to send him with his own separate snack each day to make sure she gets the right about of carbs. I hope once we see the pediatric endocrinologist that this will change but really...I don't know.

For the rest of this week he will only stay at school until just before lunch. Then I will pick him up and bring him back home, check his blood sugar, give him his injection, and feed him. Next week he will stay full time and I will go up to the school to take care of his needs before he eats.

Thankfully, Ryan's OT is extremely caring and wants to help us out anyway that she can. Her own son (who is now a grown man) has type 1 so she is fully aware of what we are going through. Ryan will be able to eat lunch in her classroom for now, until I feel comfortable enough to let him eat lunch with the whole class in the cafeteria. I am worried that he will get distracted and not eat all the things he needs to after his insulin shot.

In lighter, more humorous news, Ryan has discovered that he can use diabetes as an excuse for just about anything. Not that it works on us but he still tries. I asked him to throw away his trash and he told me that, "He couldn't do that because he has diabetes."

He also informed his father and I that he would clean his room when his diabetes was gone. This made me laugh and broke my heart at the same time. He understands that he will have this for a long, long time but to a 6 year old a long time could mean a week.

I do have faith that there will be a cure one day but I don't like to mention that to Ryan just yet. He needs to understand that this, for the mean time, is forever.

His attempts at diabetes manipulation tactics does make me smile though because it's what a child would do...and he is still just a kid. He hasn't lost that and I am thankful because a diagnosis like this has the potential to steal away a part of that innocence and child-like personality.

I want desperately to keep that little boy wonder and excitement for life intact. I refuse to let diabetes darken his childhood.

When it is time for his sugar checks, Ryan repeats a mantra that he came up with on his own over and over and I couldn't agree with it more.

Ryan is a brave boy. Ryan is a brave boy. Ryan is the bravest boy in the world.